2 Points For Honesty

I couldn't resist using a Guster song title as the title for this post. Anyway, yesterday I received my results from my glucose test. I failed by 2 points. Just 2. The same exact amount that I failed by when I was pregnant with Sophie. The nurse who gave me my results had to check the date of my test a few times just to make sure she had the right one. At least I am consistent.

Now I used to be deathly afraid of needles. Everything about the whole drawing blood and getting shots ordeal made me break out into cold sweats and get light headed. After being pregnant with Sophie, I have learned to deal with my fear. I know to ask for butterfly needles since my veins are small and to talk and ramble on about nonsense while the needles are doing their thing so that I can somewhat take my mind off of it. (I warn nurses that I am going to do this, and most of them play along). I still hate needles with a passion, but the fear isn't really there anymore. (There is a point in me saying all this. Keep reading.)

I can remember when I received the failing glucose result when I was pregnant with Sophie....
**Flashback time**
I was sitting on our bed and immediately burst into tears when I got off of the phone. I failed by 2 points and was going to have to take the three hour glucose test. Two stupid points! I didn't want to do the three hour test! I didn't want to even think about possibly having to test myself multiple times a day. I wallowed in self pity for a good three hours, causing a big sore to appear under my nose from all of the wiping with tissues. (The scab from the sore lingered for at least 2 weeks. So gross). My pity party for myself lasted for a few days...all because I didn't want to do the three hour test. So much for being strong and mature.

The three hour test wasn't as bad as I thought. I had to fast for 8 hours and was going to have to have blood drawn 4 times over the course of 3 hours (1 initial draw and then one each hour). Things went fine until the end of my second hour. They drew my blood and I immediately felt myself break into a cold sweat. The whole needle fear and lack of food had finally got the best of me. I told them I felt like I had to puke and the nurses went into action, putting a cold towel on my head and placing a garbage can in front of me. I took this as a sign to go ahead and puke. So I did and apparently that was the wrong choice. No one told me that if you puke, you have to redo the test all over again. At least they didn't tell me this until after I puked. They also told me they would have to throw out all my other blood. Immediately I started crying again. Another three hour test?! The three vials of blood they took already was for nothing?! Ugh!

When I went to see my doctor a day later, he was livid to find out that they threw away my blood. Apparently they could have received enough data from those to see if I had gestational diabetes or not. He looked back over my old results and told me that since I had only failed by 2 points and that I have a weak stomach when it comes to needles, he was going to have me try the one hour test again instead of the three hour one. I immediately fell in love with him. I passed my next glucose test by about 13 points, so I was off the hook. No gestational diabetes for me!
**End flashback*

On my way to have my blood drawn on Wednesday, I had a little conversation with God. I had told him that I wasn't going to ask to not have GD. I will go with whatever his plans are. All I wanted was for Josie to be healthy. So yesterday when I was told that I had failed my test, I just accepted it, even joking around with the nurse on the phone about it. I called Joe to let him know and told him I wasn't going to cry and whine this time. I was feeling pretty okay with things. The failing of the test didn't necessarily mean I had GD, just that I needed that three hour glucose test again. I could do that. I have been through the experience and at least know that if I puke during the test, I will tell the nurses they can't throw out my blood without my doctor's consent. Everything was going to be fine. However, the more I thought about the results, the more uneasy I felt. I won't lie, some tears came. Just a few here and there that escaped, nothing like the three hour fiasco when I was pregnant with Sophie. They were different tears, too. Instead of 'poor me - I have to have more tests done' I was thinking of my poor babies. (Hopefully this all doesn't sound like a 'poor me' kind of thing. That is not my intention at all.) I feel like I am doing/have done a disservice to them. I'm apparently not doing this whole pregnancy thing right. One baby was IUGR, one didn't make it past the first trimester, and the one I am currently carrying might have to face me having GD. There are things that I'm doing that I shouldn't. I know I don't eat the best (fast food and pizza are too yummy and easy) and that some days I drink more Sprite than water. I know I don't really exercise besides working and chasing after Sophie. Still, I thought I was doing better this pregnancy. I don't indulge every pregnancy craving like I did when I was pregnant with Sophie. I don't drink anything caffeinated. Since I am working during my third trimester this time, I am getting more exercise. I have only gained about 15 pounds so far. Still, I need to make some changes. I owe it to my kids.

I had another conversation with God last night while I was in the shower trying to clear my head. I told him that I was going to keep my word from before. I wasn't going to beg him to not give me GD. All I wanted was for Josie to be okay. If I had a choice it would be for my results to be fine, but I was going to leave that all up to him. Even though knowing I have to do the three hour test again bums me out a little, I will do it and do my very best to keep any tears at bay.

I keep reminding myself that I do not necessarily have GD, just some elevated levels that need another look. Hopefully my test on Monday will show that I am fine. However, if I do have GD, then I will deal with it. I'm not saying I won't complain some and that a few more tears won't be shed, but it will be fine. I have some great friends who have recently dealt with GD and they said that it wasn't too bad. If I have it, they will help me out and show me the ropes. If they can make it through, then so can I. Again, I am just going to put this into God's hands and let him choose what happens. I am not going to let myself dwell on it this weekend and I will go in Monday morning, take the test, and put it out of my mind until the results come in. As long as God takes care of Josie and helps her be a strong, healthy little girl then I am happy.

I'm glad I got this all off my chest. Now I can get on with my weekend.